Man, we just got the worst worst worst crank call about our "Fuck you and your free-range turkey dinner" ad in The Mercury. We've gotten a few crank calls since we've been open, and we swear, not one of them have been good. I don't know what people are doing? Don't they think about what they're going to say before they call? And if so, is this the best they can do? The only people who crank call us well are our friends.

This is how the conversation went down:

Me: Hello, Food Fight.
Them: Hi, is this Food Fight "vaygun" grocery? (but not pronoucing it that way as a joke)
Me: Yes.
Them: I'm calling about the free-range turkey ad you had in the paper.

(Their first two sentences sentence tells me right away they aren't vegan and don't live in Portland. No one who lives in town would call The Mercury "the paper.")

Me: Uh-huh...
Them: Yeah, I'm calling about the free-range turkey ad.
Me: Yeah?... (already impatient because I know it's a bad crank call)
Them: Yeah, I wanted to know about it.
Me: It's an ad...
Them: Is this a "vaygun" grocery?
Me: Yeah, well, no, it's "vegan."
Them: Yeah, "vegan."
Me: Uh-huh.
Them: What's the free-range turkey dinner?
Me: It's a joke.
Them: Oh yeah?
(too much silence because they're too dumb to think of something clever)
Me: Man, you guys are funny...
Them: (dumb laughter)

Then I hang up.